The Nitty Gritty

Okay...so...so far this morning...well this week has not been one of my greatest weeks. I have been wanting to post this blog for a while, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. I know you have all had those days where everything hits you all at once and there is seemingly nothing you can do to stop it? Well I am there... Rest assured I don't intend to stay there, but none the less I am there for the moment.
The last few months (2.5 years) have been a little rough on me. God has given me the most spectacular life with the most loving husband that I could ever imagine. I am so grateful for all that he has provided me. My life long ambition from as far back as I can remember has been to be a mommy. On our 1 year anniversary we decided to start trying to expand our family, I got pregnant right away and had a miscarriage early on in the pregnancy. Several rounds of infertility meds, blood tests and a whole lot of tears...still no babies. Ya'll I just about killed myself worrying about my fertility problems and begging God to give me the gift of a child with no return except good blood test results. A couple of months ago I went in for my yearly "fun" appointment and the doc says "you wanna go see a specialist?" I tell him that I may like to do that when we can afford it and he informed me that they would have to do some tests on Michael before they could send me. So we went in for the test and waited and waited for the results. I had confidence that everything was going to be normal, but when she called she informed be that Michael had ZERO good sperm and needed to see a Urologist ASAP. Which course terrified me and I was devastated all at the same time. I felt like someone had just taken my first born. They told me that he couldn't have children....and on top of that the reason he couldn't have children could cause him to be very sick. I was TERRIFIED. I think I cried for a week straight, and then all of the sudden a great peace came over me and I felt God telling me that he had other plans in store for me. Now, I know that my God is bigger than the doctors statistics and that if he wants to give me a child, he will. However, I am not convinced that the child will come from my own womb. (it will if God makes it of course, I havn't lost faith or anything) At this point my priority was to make sure my husband was healthy and not at risk for major health problems. Alas, God is good and what was potentially a VERY serious problem was a birth defect that had taken care of itself and left Michael perfectly heatlhy, but infertile.
I still feel the peace that God gave me about not being able to have children, but every now and then I still feel the pain as I wait for God to make his next move. I find the pain in places where it doesn't belong. Like take for instance today, stuff unrelated has got me down and here I am crying about something that I have full faith that God is in control of. (I know...I'm a loon)
All of this has brought me to where I am today. A few weeks ago I had a week off of work and went to a Bible Studay with Carrie. I had missed the whole study except for the last one. There I met a woman who sells Mary Kay....I love Mary Kay products...and she asked Carrie and I to get a facial. Since I love Mary Kay products I of course said Yes!!! In that facial I decided that I wanted to try my hand at selling Mary Kay. After I decided I doubted myself, but once again God is good, and nothing, I tell you nothing screams confirmation like a directly answered prayer from God. There I was having my doubts because I had no place to have my introduction, I asked God to show me the place and out of nowhere a friend offers to let me have it at her house, without being asked. Have you ever had that moment where it is absolutly blatant that you are right where God wants you to be? Well I had it...and I am happy to say that it's all been down hill since then. If you can imagine a kink in the road, I'm working through it right now. However when God is on your side all things are possible and I know that he will pull me through because he has already told me that I am right where he wants me to be. Please pray for us as we go through this time in our lives.